Act One
On the Quayside of Paragonia, the islanders sing Song: “PARAGONIA” about the delight of their island. Daisy Corcoran enters, and puts them to shame, by reminding them of the ravages of the female pirates who dock every three months, and demand provisions. She then sings, with the islanders Song: “DAUGHTER OF BUTTERCUP”, about her proud parentage [Captain Corcoran from HMS Pinafore and Buttercup from the same] and how, shipwrecked, she was washed up on Paragonia’s shore. She then points out that the pirates, to make sure their demands are met, always take a hostage with them. This time they’ve taken her lover Christopher with them, which has stirred her into action. She leaves to get help in defeating the pirates. The islanders finish the scene with a short reprise of “DAUGHTER OF BUTTERCUP”
Onboard the pirate ship the female pirates swirl on, singing Song: ”PINAFORE PIRATES”. They greet their Pirate Queen, who makes them repeat their Pirate Oath to have nothing to do with men, till their seven years’ piracy is up. Then Song: “THE PIRATE QUEEN” A pirate then brings up the hostage Christopher. Despite their oath, they all sigh romantically at his handsome appearance, but Christopher explains what a penance it is being parted from Daisy for three months. Song: “THE ANGUISH OF LOVE” at the end of which the pirates [except the Queen] burst into sympathetic tears. The Queen berates them, and sends Christopher below. To take their minds off their romantic trauma, the Queen decides its time for food, and sends for Sam O’Nella, the Irish cook, who regales them with the culinary treats he has in store. Song: “IRISH STEW"
In a woodland glade fairies sing and dance Song: “FAIRY FEET”, rather spoiled by the efforts of Nanette, an un-coordinated fairy. Invisible to mortals, they are unobserved by Daisy, who enters and quietly weeps, her rescue mission being a complete failure so far. The fairies, feeling sorry for her, summon their Queen, Iolanthe, who, being half-mortal is visible to Daisy. On hearing of Daisy’s tribulations, she summons Princess Ida to join her in the fight against the pirates, and promises to find five men she knows [from G&S operettas]. They finish the scene with the sprightly Song: “THREE DETERMINED LADIES”
Back on the pirate ship, all are relaxing on a calm night Song: “CALM SEAS AND A PROSPEROUS VOYAGE” The ladies go down below for dinner and Sam chats with Christopher, finding him to be still love-sick. He promises him a special meal to take his mind off it, and leaves Christopher alone to sing Song: “RIBIC!” [about a heart-broken frog] Sam returns with the dish - frogs’ legs! Christopher hastily departs to throw up, leaving Sam to close the scene with a few lines of “RIBIC!”
At the Quayside, the islanders are eagerly awaiting Daisy’s return, but are initially disappointed to find she has only two women with her. However Princess Ida introduces, in turn The Right.Hon.Sir Joseph Porter [from HMS Pinafore] Song: “ADMIRABLE ADMIRAL”, then the Mikado Song: “THE GREAT MIKADO”, then the Sorcerer Song: “SORCERER”, then the Duke of Plaza-Toro [The Gondoliers] Song: “SPANISH GRANDEE”, and finally Major-General Stanley [The Pirates of Penzance] Song: “EDUCATED MAJOR-GENERAL” All these five songs are “patter” songs, and when the islanders give them a huge welcome, the five repay them by singing the five songs simultaneously! Then Daisy introduces them to the task ahead, and all sing Act One FINALE
Act Two
On the pirate ship the pirates sing Song: “LAND HO!” The three months are up and they’re ready to dock in Paragonia, but the Queen has an intuitive feeling that all will not be well. The pirates have the same feeling, and have other feelings too, which Sam underlines with Song: “PRETTY LADIES” and leaves them with the immortal words “You’re all as broody as hens!” They agree, and the Queen promises to review their Pirate Oath if they undertake this last mission against whatever awaits them on shore. Reprise: “PINAFORE PIRATES”
On the quayside the seven plan their strategy, and decide that their respectively high social status will be too much for the humble pirates, who will surrender. Daisy & the islanders join Song: “PROTOCOL”
The pirates [without their Queen] appear, sobbing, dressed as respectable young ladies. Song: “DAMSELS IN DISTRESS” They totally fool the seven, and the Pirate Queen appears. At her order the pirates disarm the seven. Sam leads on Christopher and chains him to a bollard. Daisy is delighted to see him, but sad they are still not together properly. Song: “POOR STATIC ONE”
Then the Sorcerer speaks up, and casts a spell on the Pirates & their Queen which renders them immobile. Sam releases Christopher, and Daisy rushes to embrace him. Song: “LOVE’S YOUNG DREAM."
The Pirates are released, and their Queen says there is only one thing left for them to do - throw themselves into the sea! The only thing that would stop them would be the love of a good man, which they have never found. Major General Stanley stops them from their purpose by introducing “the flower of British manhood” The Policemen enter. Song: “THE BRITISH POLICEMAN”
All is well, but then the seven are reluctant to return to their boring day jobs, and decide to take over the pirate ship. Sam re-enlists with them, but they need a quarter-master. Nanette appears to ask for the job, Iolanthe agrees and makes her visible. Clumsy Nanette is so delighted she leaps in joy, knocking half the cast over, and falls into the sea.
The seven decide that their piracy will be based on Finale: “Protocol Piracy"
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