
Click HERE to read the Script, look at the Score and listen to the Songs
Porridge
by Craig Hawes
Pricing & Order Info.
"I would just like to let you know how much we have enjoyed performing Porridge. The script was well written and very funny on both a child and adult level. Even though there were a lot of lines for our 8 and 9 year old children to learn they rose to the challenge and did a fantastic job. I would highly recommend this script to any other primary teacher."
Beverley Taylor, Year 4 Teacher, Market Harborough Church of England Primary School, Market Harborough
Why choose this Musical?
42 speaking roles & 2 non-speaking roles
This can be reduced to 26 speaking roles. See "Casting" tab below.
Sing it! "Karaoke-Style" learning! Check out the video below...
TOP TIP: unmute the video to have a listen and a sing along!
CD of Vocal Tracks
Both these CDs include Overture, ALL Songs, Special Effects, Play Ons and Play Offs in the order you need them enabling production and direction to take place without specialist musical expertise. However - for those of you who prefer a live pianoforte accompaniment, we now have available a superb BRAND NEW Performance Score which encompasses Overture, ALL Play Ons and Play Offs, Songs, Link Music, Cues and Chord Symbols. (Grade 6 standard). We also have available a BRAND NEW Rehearsal Score (Grade 2 / 3 standard) - Check them out on the "Script and Songs" heading.
Dance it! Choreograhy done for you! Check out the video below...
TOP TIP: unmute the video to have a watch and a boogie!
Full Performance Piano/Vocal Score available (Grade 6 Standard)
Encompasses Overture, ALL Play Ons and Play Offs, Songs, Link Music, Cues and Chord Symbols. Click "Performance Score" in the "Script & Songs" tab below.
Easy Play Rehearsal Piano/Vocal Score available (Grade 2 / 3 Standard)
Click "Easy Play Score" in the "Script & Songs" tab below.
CD of Backing Tracks plus essential sound effects
No pianist required!
Easily manageable props
Unlimited chorus parts
Easy to stage and costume
Age range: Lower Key Stage 2 Production (7-9 years)
Duration: 60-70 minutes
NEW! Instant Scenery with our digital backdrops
A different backdrop for EVERY scene change
Supplied in both a PowerPoint presentation and as individual JPG files.

No more Scenery Painting!
Craig Hawes, author of Pirates Of The Curry Bean, serves up his funniest show ever with Porridge the stirring musical comedy that begins "Once upon a crime"!
When a crime wave hits Happy Valley, there's a caseload of mysteries to be solved! Who's stolen Ma Hubbard's recipe book? Who's kidnapped Marigold the cow? And what dirty secret is Papa Bear hiding behind his Porridge empire? It's down to Private Detective Jack Spratt to uncover the terrifying truth in this tale of mystery, mayhem and breakfast cereal!
Join Jack, Goldie Lox and a cast of crazy characters including barmy billy goats, loopy lumberjacks, a potty police squad and a runaway cow in this brand new side-splitting musical comedy. It's a familiar tale, told like you've never heard before with familiar fairytale folk brought to life as you've never imagined! Porridge has all the ingredients of a delicious production - packed with spoonfuls of sparkling songs and bowlfuls of belly-laughs, this hilarious show will leave your cast and audience wanting seconds and shouting for more!
In the prologue our moody, mysterious narrator Jack Spratt, Private Detective, introduces himself and explains how crime has swept through Happy Valley. Dramatic music begins as the stage suddenly becomes an exciting whirl of frantic activity with a police squad in hot pursuit of an unknown criminal. Two reporters bring us the latest news of crime on the streets whilst a crowd of anxious onlookers gather and begin to sing the opening song, "Once Upon A Crime!".
The song ends and we are transported to Jack Spratt's office, where Jack calls the Police Chief about a recent case. Goldie Lox enters with a suitcase and, following a very comical set of misunderstandings, explains to Jack that she is in desperate need of his help. As she begins to tell Jack her story, a flashback transports us in space and time to the previous morning at The Dairy.
We discover the absent-minded Mother Hubbard who has once again lost her only cow, Marigold. Goldie enters and reminds Mother Hubbard that she is always losing things, such as her precious recipe book that went missing years ago. Simple Simon enters and he and Goldie unsuccessfully try to comfort Mother Hubbard. All are relieved when the local fairytale characters find and return the wandering cow to the dairy. Following a slapstick milking session, Tom-Tom arrives with a pig under his arm and the police in pursuit. Simon hides Tom-Tom just as the inept police squad enter. Pompous Inspector Drain interrogates the locals and with a little bribery discovers and arrests the innocent Tom-Tom.
Our two reporters return with live coverage of the reopening of The Porridge Pot Diner, Happy Valley's finest restaurant. The staff and customers give a rousing reception to owner Papa Bear, his wife Mama Bear and their son Junior, and celebrate by singing "The Porridge Pot". Goldie enters and chats with her friend Junior, who expresses his frustration that although he wants to be an inventor, his father expects him to work in the "family business". The Bear family are interviewed by the reporter and the scene ends with a rousing reprise of "The Porridge Pot".
Jack Spratt then takes us to the Porridge Pot's back room, where Papa Bear has a secret meeting with his half-witted henchmen, the Billy Goat brothers. It becomes clear that these furry felons are behind the recent crime wave, all part of Papa Bear's evil plan to flatten Happy Valley, build a giant Porridge Factory and take over the world! He gives them a list of crimes to commit and people to frame, along with a suitcase of cash to pay the lumberjacks to flatten the forest. He also reveals his secret suitcase full of evil plans - and Mother Hubbard's recipe book that he stole from her years ago which helped him build his restaurant and porridge empire.
Down at the Police Station, Inspector Drain is expressing his frustration over the recent crime wave and his squad's lack of policing skills. PC Plod is more interested in his suitcase of nuts which he proudly displays to everyone. An emergency call informs them that Humpty has been involved in a horrific wall related incident. The action moves immediately to Hickory Hospital, where Humpty is operated upon by Doctor Foster and Nurse Polly in a brief but hilarious medical drama. We switch straight back to the Police Station where we learn that Humpty was pushed. Bo Peep enters to report stolen sheep, and a comical identity parade leads the police to arrest the wrong suspect. Peter Piper is questioned about stealing pickled peppers, and in the face of all this crime Inspector Drain tells his squad it is time to spring into action. The ensemble enter to sing the comedy action song "Boys In Blue".
The following cold and frosty morning at the Mulberry Bush, Jack is on the watch for suspicious activity. Sure enough, the Billy Goats enter having kidnapped Marigold the cow. Papa Bear enters for another secret meeting but is overheard by his son Junior, who is horrified to discover the truth behind the family business. The lumberjacks enter and, after displaying their tree-felling skills, are hired by the Billy Goats who tell them to collect a suitcase of cash from The Porridge Pot at midnight. Mother Hubbard and Simon are searching for missing cow Marigold when Goldie brings them the ransom note she has found and vows to pack her case and go searching for Marigold. Simon tells Mother Hubbard to be positive and he and the ensemble cheer her up with the song "It's Up To You".
Later that evening we find a sad and reflective Junior Bear wondering how to deal with the truth about his father and why he cannot be who he wants to be. We also find Goldie who, too, dreams to be more than she is, and together they sing the touching duet "While The World Is Sleeping". At the end of the song, the two friends meet and tell each other everything. Junior hatches a plan and returns to The Porridge Pot whilst Goldie, suitcase in hand, goes to the office of Jack Spratt--and we suddenly find ourselves back at the very point where the story started. Goldie explains that Junior will leave his father's suitcase of incriminating secret plans at the restaurant for them to discover, and she and Jack set off to save the day.
Back at the Porridge Pot, the bears' evening porridge appears to be too hot to eat. Junior cleverly suggests they leave for a long, slow night time walk whilst it cools and as they leave he positions his father's secret suitcase for Goldie to discover. During a fast paced farce-like scene, various groups of characters enter and leave the restaurant with other suitcases of clothes, cash and nuts, each getting mixed up with the others. In a faithful nod to the traditional tale, the three bowls of porridge are tasted, Junior's chair is broken and Goldie is accidentally knocked unconscious, leaving her lying on the floor asleep and snoring loudly. When the bears return, they discover Goldie and call the police who arrive instantly to arrest her. However, the other groups enter one by one revealing the surprising contents of each suitcase. When the Billy Goats accidentally reveal the truth, Papa Bear denies all, but Junior finally finds his voice and courageously speaks up against his father. Mother Hubbard is reunited with her cow and recipe book and at last the police arrest the true criminal, Papa Bear. With a final word from Jack Spratt, the story is brought to a joyful conclusion as the ensemble sing the exciting finale song "Happy Ever After".
Suggested Cast List For 50 Actors
In the following list, the number shows how many spoken lines each role has. An asterisk (*) before the character's name indicates that this character ALSO has solo or featured sung lines.
Character Name | Number of Lines |
---|---|
Jack Spratt | 64 |
Papa Bear | 61 |
Chief Inspector Drain | 51 |
* Goldie Lox | 48 |
Mother Hubbard | 48 |
* Junior Bear | 37 |
Little Bill | 36 |
* Simple Simon | 32 |
PC Plod | 29 |
Big Bill | 27 |
Mama Bear | 24 |
Middle Bill | 22 |
Dwayne Pipe | 22 |
PC Doughnut | 19 |
PC Fuzzbut | 17 |
Rusty Hairclips | 16 |
PC Flatfoot | 15 |
Nurse Polly | 14 |
Woody | 14 |
Tom-Tom | 13 |
Peter Piper | 13 |
Doctor Foster | 12 |
Bo Peep | 11 |
Humpty Dumpty | 8 |
Pip The Paperboy | 6 |
Miss Muffet | 6 |
Wee Willie Winky | 4 |
Roxy | 2 |
Ruby | 2 |
Ruthie | 2 |
Renee | 2 |
Rosie | 2 |
Rita | 2 |
Rhonda | 2 |
Robyn | 2 |
Twiggy | 2 |
Splinter | 2 |
Chopper | 2 |
Barker | 1 |
Timber | 1 |
Plank | 1 |
Chip | 1 |
Non Speaking Roles: Marigold the Cow (two actors) and six additional Happy Valley Folk (Prologue and Scenes two, four, five and seven).
In addition to the above characters two actors from the company will be required to act also as framed pictures of Wicked Witch and BB Wolf in Jack Spratt's 'Rogue Gallery'.
Suggested Cast List For 28 Actors
In the following list, the number shows how many spoken lines each role has. An asterisk (*) before the character's name indicates that this character ALSO has solo or featured sung lines.
Character Name | Number of Lines |
---|---|
Jack Spratt | 64 |
Papa Bear | 61 |
Chief Inspector Drain | 51 |
* Goldie Lox | 48 |
Mother Hubbard | 48 |
* Junior Bear | 37 |
Little Bill | 36 |
* Simple Simon | 32 |
PC Plod | 29 |
Big Bill | 27 |
Mama Bear | 24 |
Middle Bill also plays non speaking BB Wolf in Prologue | 22 |
Dwayne Pipe | 22 |
Ruby also covers the lines of Renee, Rita and Robyn, and also plays Nurse Polly | 22 |
Roxy also covers the lines of Ruthie, Rosie and Rhonda, and also plays Dr Foster | 20 |
PC Doughnut | 19 |
Wee Willie Winky also plays Woody | 18 |
PC Fuzzbut | 17 |
Rusty Hairclips | 16 |
PC Flatfoot | 15 |
Tom-Tom also plays Splinter | 15 |
Peter Piper | 13 |
Bo Peep | 11 |
Miss Muffet also plays Twiggy, and also covers Chopper's line in Scene seven | 9 |
Humpty Dumpty | 8 |
Pip The Paperboy also plays Wicked Witch in Prologue | 6 |
Non Speaking Roles: Marigold the Cow (two actors, who could be coerced adults, thereby reducing the number of actors required to 26).
NB. For this cast reduction, some of the Lumberjack roll call lines in Scene five will need to be omitted (or amended).
Porridge
"This show was fantastic. You receive so much support with the visual backdrops, backing tracks and information, tips, hints etc. The students absolutely loved the script and performing and the audience loved it - lots of laughs. A real fun show"Andrea Harding, West Ulverstone Primary School, Ulverstone
Porridge
"I would just like to let you know how much we have enjoyed performing Porridge. The script was well written and very funny on both a child and adult level. Even though there were a lot of lines for our 8 and 9 year old children to learn they rose to the challenge and did a fantastic job. I would highly recommend this script to any other primary teacher."Beverley Taylor, Year 4 Teacher, Market Harborough Church of England Primary School, Market Harborough