Musicline School Musicals
Star Warts: The Umpire Strikes Back (Full Version) Cover

Star Warts: The Umpire Strikes Back (Full Version)

by Craig Hawes

Pricing & Order Info.

Full Version (80 minutes. 9 Songs.)
Click HERE for the Reduced Version (50 minutes. 7 Songs.)

Named Characters 55
Speaking Roles 50
Reduced Cast Size 28
Duration (minutes)80

Why choose this Musical?

Editable Word Doc Script available

55 named characters

Easily reduced to 28 cast size, see "Casting" tab below for full instructions.


Easily expanded with additional characters and chorus to involve a whole year group, key stage or school!

CD of Backing Tracks plus essential sound effects available

No pianist required! This CD includes ALL the Backing Tracks, Incidental Music and Special Effects in the order you need them enabling production and direction to take place without specialist musical expertise.

CD of Vocal Tracks available for learning the songs

Sing it! "Karaoke-Style" learning! Check out the video below...

TOP TIP: unmute the video to have a listen and a sing along!

Full Performance Piano/Vocal Score available (Grade 6 Standard)

See "Script & Songs" below.

Easy Play Piano/Vocal Score available (Grade 5 Standard)

See "Script & Songs" below.

Full Production Notes

Check out the "Production Notes" in the "Script & Songs" tab below.

Printable props

Click "FREE Resources" to find "Printables" for easy prop making!

Dance it! Choreograhy done for you! Check out the video below...

TOP TIP: unmute the video to have a watch and a boogie!

Fun to costume

Click "FREE Resources" below then scroll down to "Gallery of Costume Ideas".

Simple staging

Click "Script & Songs" below then click "Production Notes".

Age range: Key Stage 2 Production (7-11 years)

Especially engaging for your Upper Juniors (9-11 years) - a Perfect Year 6 leavers' play.

Duration: 80 minutes

We also have a reduced, 50 minute version available, click HERE.

NEW! Instant Scenery with our digital backdrops
A different backdrop for EVERY scene change

Supplied in both a PowerPoint presentation and as individual JPG files.

School Play Backdrop
No more Scenery Painting!

Craig Hawes launches his intergalactic musical comedy, 'Star Warts - The Umpire Strikes Back'... and it's out of this world!

In a galaxy far, far away, Luke Warmwater and his aunt, Daft Ada, live a lonely life on their secluded space station, Junction 51. But when Princess Nebula's ship crash lands into Luke's bedroom, they soon learn of the evil Umpire and his dark desire to conquer the universe.

Along with Toby Wonky Nosebleed, Zak Solo and Nigel the Nookie, they follow Princess Nebula in her rebellion. Aboard the Millennium Penguin, they whizz warp-speed through the galaxy to the Umpire's High Tower on Planet Wimbledonia. But little do they know, the Umpire is about to strike back!

Join these galactic goofballs on their space adventure light-years from home as they have close encounters with dippy droids, mad martians, spaced-out Space Rangers and a ferocious pot-plant called Gordon. Can our crazy crew master the power of the sauce to save the galaxy, or will it be game, set and match to the Umpire? Watch this space...

With a cast of cooky characters, hilarious pun-packed script, and nine spectacular songs as catchy as a severe case of Star Warts, this meteoric musical has universal appeal! Your cast of superstars will have a blast and your audience will be over the moon!

Star Warts boldly goes where no musical has gone before, so fasten your seatbelts, set phasers to fun and may the sauce be with you!


The musical opens with a very familiar orchestral overture as scrolling text and a deep voice provide a dramatic introduction to our story. A frantic space battle ensues as Princess Nebula's ship is pursued by Space Rangers, then we are instantly transported inside Nebula's cockpit. Nebula and her butler android, Qwerty, are desperate to escape the Space Rangers, but their only option is to crash land on a nearby Space Station - Junction Fifty-One. We see their chase resume as Nebula's ship flies on collision course for the space station and crash lands.

Scene 1

An instant change of scene takes us to the surface of Junction Fifty-One, where Daft Ada Elbow and her nephew, Luke Warmwater, prepare for the imminent arrival of customers. The Trekkies and chorus enter and all sing "Junction Fifty-One", during which we discover more about the delights of this space station and Luke sings of his desire for adventure. We briefly meet visiting characters such as the Diddly Squits and Jelly Nit Apprentices whilst the Trekkies peruse Daft Ada's star wares. Ada sadly reminisces of the day her baby son Dennis was accidentally swapped for a pot-plant called Gordon many years ago by the mysterious Doctor Woo. The Trekkies leave and we hear a loud explosion as Princess Nebula crashes into Luke's bedroom. Her robot Qwerty is in pieces, but Luke repairs him in a flash and introduces his own droid, R-U-1-2. On meeting Nebula, R-U plays a secret message from her parents who instruct her to get help from Toby Wonky Nosebleed to rescue them and their galaxy. Nebula explains how her galaxy has disappeared, the sphere round her neck being the only thing left from it. She tells of the evil Umpire on Planet Wimbledonia and his dark desire to conquer the Universe. Fortunately, Toby Wonky Nosebleed instantly appears and with the help of magical fingers describes the power of the Sauce and how it may be learned from the Jelly Nit Master, Lord Yoga. The new friends need a fast ship and cool captain, and Zak Solo crash lands right on cue with his first mate and saxophone player, Nigel The Nookie. Together they board the Millennium Penguin to launch their mission, and all enter to sing "Space Trip".

Scene 2

Meanwhile, the evil Umpire is in his High Tower on Planet Wimbledonia practising his sinister, heavy breathing. Along with his first officer Spocky McSpock and his computer assistants, Sira and Alexi, we discover how the Umpire was abandoned as a baby and raised by the Wombles of Wimbledonia. He has taught himself the dark side of the sauce and punishes anyone who breaks his strict rules by shrinking their galaxies into tiny spheres. But when he discovers one missing, he summons his storm trooping guards, the Racketeers, who enter equipped with their deadly ball blasters (very similar to tennis rackets). The three Space Rangers, Roger, Over and Out, arrive with news of Nebula's crash and the sphere she wore around her neck. The Umpire, certain that Nebula has survived, sends the Space Rangers back to capture her and the missing sphere.

Scene 3

A short scene shows Doctor Woo as he searches for Daft Ada so he may reunite her with baby Dennis, but is instead inundated by a plethora of patients with comical ailments.

Scene 4

Back on board the Millennium Penguin, the male members of the crew are busy playing video games. Nebula and Ada scold them and when the engines fail, it is down to Nebula to fix them. She reminisces about her parents and home and, accompanied by the chorus, sings "In A Galaxy Far, Far Away". The crew enjoy some in-flight entertainment watching the documentary 'Life In Space' by David Atomsplitter, during which Ada unintentionally matches the familiar narration with comical actions. Space Rangers Roger, Over and Out then stop the ship to question the crew in their search for Nebula and Qwerty. Toby uses the power of the Sauce to hypnotise the Rangers and send them off singing and dancing. The ship is then invaded by the Diddly Squits, an army of strange aliens who tell of their lost planet, Oxymoron. R-U replays an emergency message from Nebula and Ada who have been captured by the Rangers and taken to Wimbledonia. Luke must travel alone to visit Lord Yoga whilst the others must try to rescue the heroines and defeat the Umpire. The Diddly Squits offer to lend an alien hand and all sing "We Are The Diddly Squits".

Scene 5

Back on Planet Wimbledonia, Spocky McSpock is taking the Racketeers to task when the Umpire receives an update from Sira and Alexi. The Space Rangers have landed but have been followed by the Millennium Penguin. The Umpire orders the rebel ship to be captured in his tractor beam. The Space Rangers enter with great news - they have captured Princess Nebula and Daft Ada, which calls for a celebratory evil laugh.

Scene 6

We visit Planet Pilates in the Tai Chi system, where Lord Yoga's apprentices are scalded for failing their saucy SATS. His aides, Alfie Centuri and Anne Dromeda, announce the arrival of Luke Warmwater who has come to learn the ways of the Sauce. He brings Gordon the pot-plant, who suddenly flops lifelessly in Luke's arms. Yoga promises to use the power of the Sauce to bring Gordon back to life and does just that in the uplifting and energetic song "Squeeze The Sauce".

Scene 7

Deep in the Umpire's dungeon on Wimbledonia, Nebula, Ada and the Trekkies are imprisoned and forlorn. Nebula captures the hopeless mood as she sadly sings "Far, Far Away Reprise". Suddenly, Luke appears with a revived and much grown Gordon, and using his technical skills, is able to unlock the dungeon door. The released prisoners celebrate their freedom as all sing the rousing "Rebel March".

Scene 8

Lost in the underground tunnels of Wimbledonia, the Space Rangers hopelessly search for the escaped prisoners and the Umpire. As they continue their hunt, we see various characters and groups passing through in turn, searching for the exit. Finally the Umpire reveals to Spocky and his Racketeers that his deceptive 'Way Out sign' has actually lead his enemies toward his treacherous trap!

Scene 9

Back in the Umpire's control room, he has recaptured his foes and condemns their fruitless attempt to rebel as all sing "The Umpire Strikes Back". Nebula and Luke challenge the Umpire to a final battle of bottles, dark sauce against light sauce, and a stylised slow-motion tennis match ensues. The players use their Bling Blades for rackets, but just as the Umpire is about to win, Daft Ada steps onto court and brings the match to an abrupt end. She showers the Umpire in green sauce thus restoring his memory, and Ada reveals his true identity! A regretful Umpire restores Nebula's galaxy and she is reunited with her parents. Doctor Woo returns with baby Dennis, much to everyone's confusion, and is delighted to discover that Gordon's alive! The joyous company celebrate with a reprise of "Space Trip", then revisit each song in the excitingly energetic "Star Warts Megamix" to bring the musical to a spectacular close.

Suggested Cast List For 55 Actors

In the following list, the number shows how many spoken lines each role has. An asterisk (*) before the characters name indicates that this character ALSO has solo or featured sung lines.

Character NameNumber of Lines
*Daft Ada88
*Luke Warmwater66
*Princess Nebula64
*The Umpire50
Ranger Roger39
*Toby Wonky Nosebleed37
*Zak Solo34
Ranger Out33
Doctor Woo31
Ranger Over31
*Lord Yoga31
Spocky McSpock26
Nigel The Nookie25
Commodore Nintendo19
King Basil Oregano10
Anne Dromeda8
Queen Saffron Oregano8
Cosmic Ray7
Alfie Centauri7
Romulan Rose6
Buck Quasar6
Photon Phil6
Stella Artois5
Buzz Wormhole5
Jaffa The Nut5
Flash Ultra4
Luna Orbit4
Aurora Rocket4

Suggested Cast List for 28 Actors

In the following list, the number shows the number of speaking lines each role has. An asterisk (*) by the character's name indicates that this characters also has solo or featured sung lines.

Character NameNumber of Lines
*Daft Ada88
*Luke Warmwater66
*Princess Nebula64
*Doctor Woo/Yoga62
*The Umpire50
Spocky/Basil (also covers lines of Saffron)44
Ranger Roger39
*Toby Wonky Nosebleed37
*Zak Solo34
Ranger Out33
Ranger Over31
Alexi (also covers lines of Sira)/Anne (also covers lines of Alfie)27
Nigel The Nookie25
Quasar (also covers lines of Jaffa, Luna & Buzz)20
Commodore Nintendo19
Romulan (also covers lines of Cosmic & Flash)17
Photon (also covers lines of Stella & Aurora)15
Amiga (also covers lines of Sega & Kong)10
Atari (also covers lines of Snez & Pixel)10
Borg (also covers lines of Venus)9
Becker (also covers lines of Graf)9
E.C. (also covers lines of Pong)4
Axe (also covers lines of Drax)2
Bax (also covers lines of Fax)2

With this reduction, some lines will need to be adapted or rearranged, especially where characters are mentioned by name but covered by other actors.

Resource Image

Title Artwork

Great for creating your own customised artwork for your show!
Download .png
Resource Image

Cover Artwork

Printable book cover artwork. Great for posters and programmes!
Download .jpg
Resource Image

Costume Ideas

Craig Hawes has provided these fantastic photos to inspire your costumes for Star Warts.
Download .zip
Resource Image


From Yoga's sauce bottle label to emergency flares! Craig Hawes has provided these fantastic, high resolution, printable resources to make set and prop production a breeze!
Download .zip
Resource Image

Welcome Video

A FREE "Welcome Video" to play prior to your show to welcome your audience and introduce the musical!

Please Right Click the button below and select "Save target as..." (or similar wording) to download the file.

Download .mp4

5 Star Rating

Star Warts: The Umpire Strikes Back (Full Version)

"Great show - the children loved the songs, they were very catchy. We managed to write in a small part for our Kindergarten too so the whole school participated. Well received. "
Shelley Gibson, Regality Academy, jakarta

5 Star Rating

Star Warts: The Umpire Strikes Back (Full Version)

"The students had a blast doing this. Hilarious, clever references to other space shows and such catchy songs. Run during covid, we were able to adapt to our school hall rather than a big theatre. So easy to put together with the extra materials supplied. Love Craig Hawes work!"
Jane Lacey, Overport PS, Frankston South. Victoria, Australia

5 Star Rating

Star Warts: The Umpire Strikes Back (Full Version)

"I am in year 6 and ‘Star Warts: The Umpire Strikes Back’ was our show. I had an honour of playing Ranger Over and the whole script was hilarious!!! It was the best performance ever! I loved the songs and my favourite one was ‘The Umpire Strikes Back’ because it was fun and we added amazing actions to it. What a lovely way to end my year before I go to secondary school! Thank you Craig Hawes!"
Lai Ying Chan, Co-op Academy Broadhurst, Mosten, Manchester

5 Star Rating

Star Warts: The Umpire Strikes Back (Full Version)

"My all time favourite of the Craig Hawes shows... so far! Hilarious script and catchy songs make this an absolute hit with adults and children alike. Our children created memories to treasure after being part of such a brilliant show!"
Lisa Crossland, Cuckney Primary School

Add your review

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Product Name Product Price Qty
Script (Non-editable PDF) £10.00
Script (Editable Word Doc) £12.00
PDF & Word Doc Scripts £15.00
PDF Performance Piano Score (Grade 6 Standard) £12.00
PDF Easy Play Piano Score (Grade 5 Standard) £10.00
MP3 Backing Tracks £10.00
MP3 Vocal Tracks £10.00
Sing it! (PC)What's this? £10.00
Sing it! (MAC)What's this? £10.00
Dance it! Choreography Video DownloadWhat's this? £10.00
Project it! (PowerPoint and JPGs)What's this? £15.00


The traditional means of getting your items. Most of our works are RING BOUND books or CDs of recorded music.

U.K. schools can order posted items with a school order number.
This facility is available at the end of the ordering process.

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Product Name Product Price Qty
Script £14.00
Pack of 5 Scripts £35.00
Pack of 10 Scripts £55.00
Performance Piano Score (Grade 6 Standard) £16.00
Easy Play Piano Score (Grade 5 Standard) £13.00
CD of Backing Tracks £13.00
CD of Vocal Tracks £13.00
Sing it! CD-ROM (PC & MAC)What's this? £15.00
Dance it! Choreography DVDWhat's this? £15.00
Project it! CD-ROMWhat's this? £19.00

  Performing Licence: valid for 12 months from date of issue for THIS musical only

The Musicline Performing Licence covers you to perform this musical.

It is illegal to perform ANY published musical without the appropriate licence which is only available from the publisher of that musical.

'Blanket' licences which you may have DO NOT cover the performing of published musicals.

A performing licence is required for EACH PERFORMANCE.

For more information about Licencing, please click here

Size of your School Size Price per Performance Price Number of Performances Number
200+ Pupils on Total School Roll (Ofsted Figures) £30.00
150-199 Pupils on Total School Roll (Ofsted Figures) £25.00
100-149 Pupils on Total School Roll (Ofsted Figures) £20.00
50-99 Pupils on Total School Roll (Ofsted Figures) £15.00
0-49 Pupils on Total School Roll (Ofsted Figures) £10.00
Youth Theatre (any size) £50.00

  Copying Licence: valid for 12 months from date of issue for THIS musical only

The Musicline Copying Licence covers you to copy ALL of any of the items you buy for this show either posted or downloaded.

This Licence is only available from the publisher of the copyright material.

It is illegal to reproduce or share ANY published material without the appropriate licence.

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Size of your School Size Price of Licence Price Qty Qty
200+ Pupils on Total School Roll (Ofsted Figures) £30.00
150-199 Pupils on Total School Roll (Ofsted Figures) £25.00
100-149 Pupils on Total School Roll (Ofsted Figures) £20.00
50-99 Pupils on Total School Roll (Ofsted Figures) £15.00
0-49 Pupils on Total School Roll (Ofsted Figures) £10.00
Youth Theatre (any size) £50.00

  Video Licence: valid for 12 months from date of issue for THIS musical only

The Musicline Video Licence allows you to record your performances and sell the DVDs without royalty payments applying. The Video Licence is given FREE OF CHARGE if you order a Performing Licence and a Copying Licence at the same time. Only fill in the box below if you wish to purchase a video licence separately.

For more information about Licencing, please click here

Size of your School Size Price of Licence Price Qty Qty
200+ Pupils on Total School Roll (Ofsted Figures) £30.00
150-199 Pupils on Total School Roll (Ofsted Figures) £25.00
100-149 Pupils on Total School Roll (Ofsted Figures) £20.00
50-99 Pupils on Total School Roll (Ofsted Figures) £15.00
0-49 Pupils on Total School Roll (Ofsted Figures) £10.00
Youth Theatre (any size) £50.00